A young
man shops in a supermarket. He picks up
Clorox, cottage cheese, a head of lettuce, and hot dogs, and there's a lot of
suspense building already, because what's he going to make with
that?
An old
man sits laughing on the floor in one corner of the supermarket. He has wet himself, but that's not why he's
laughing. CUT TO: A mountaintop in
Tibet, where another old man is laughing.
He has wet himself too.
(See? We're all in this
together!)
INSERT a
car chase through the streets of Turin, Italy.
It's going on inside a boy's head.
This boy is really our man at age six.
He's in a cart being pushed around in the same supermarket, but back in
the seventies (NOTE: Use the CU footage from 12 Monkeys that shows the
boy's eyes).
As our
man makes his way to the checkout line, a beautiful young woman with EYE CANDY
stenciled across her shirt stops to pick up Clorox, cottage cheese, a head of
lettuce, and...hot dog buns.
INSERT
another car chase, but with Hot Wheels, to illustrate how small and
insignificant we are. Follow this chase
with a montage of pretty Hubble photos of the universe (NOTE: Have Terrence
Malick write a V.O. for this, to be performed by Morgan Freeman).
Now our
man's checkout girl needs a price-check on the hot dogs. Our man offers to run back and see for
her...
...just
as the beautiful young woman realizes she got hot dog buns but no hot
dogs.
Throw in
a few minutes of subplot about a robot that assembles Hot Wheels cars. Show, very simply, through a quick series of
flashbacks inside of flashbacks inside of flashbacks, that this robot used to be a human man, and that he/it is the
beautiful young woman's father!
The
beautiful young woman gets to the hot dogs before our man gets there. There aren't any left. CUT TO: The old man laughing in the supermarket
(he's pretending the hot dog in his mouth is a cigar). Seeing no hot dogs, the beautiful young
woman hurries away just as our man gets there to check the price (somehow make
all of this less annoying than what happens in Serendipity).
Out in
the parking lot, our man and the beautiful young woman, putting their grocery bags into their
cars, finally see each other and smile.
Then the
Hot Wheels assembly robot rolls up out of nowhere and shoots our man in the
back with a laser-sighted pistol. It
immediately becomes clear that our man is not a man at all, but a cyborg. (NOTE: Show some exposed wiring and
sparks.)
The
beautiful young woman runs up and says, "Dad, what did you do?! I was going to marry him!"
Her
robot father says, "You already did." Duh, duh, duhhhh.
The rest of the film will be about the hot-dog industry.
2 comments:
I'm green-lighting this immediately.
Well, I don't see how anyone couldn't.
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