Thursday, December 26, 2013

No More Christmas, but at Least There's This

On this day after Christmas, the eggnog down to its foamy dregs, the scant snow beginning to drip and to drip and to drip, drip, drip, let us thank the glorious purportedly human specimens who've been paid off to lie about climate change (and not just to lie, mind you, but to form a movement of anti-science numbskullery, the likes of which, it turns out, we've seen before and will surely see again).  

Socking these folks in their stupid stinking dirty smiles would perhaps have the wrong effect, I've heard (though maybe later we should try that, just for kicks?).  But if we thank them -- oh, if we thank them, and perhaps embrace them with all the love we've got left in our post-holiday hearts, just before the climate shit really hits the proverbial fan...well, maybe they'll feel bad for their part in the carnage.  And then, as the coasts are sinking, the trees and grasses burning, the mutant children fleeing the giant spiders, the zebras attacking us as blood rains from the skies and polar bears adopt vegetarianism and all that, at least we'll have the many sorries of these wankholes to comfort us, right?  

Right, and somehow, by God, that will be enough.  With just that the planet will begin to heal itself, and Lois in her car will be hauled up out of the ground and she'll be alive without Superman even having to fly around the Earth!    

Okay, fine, it is kind of hilarious to think that doorknob-heads like this might have actual feelings, or even just non-reptile skin and normal eyes, as opposed to scales and crazy red robot orbs that shoot lasers.  But maybe they do.  Maybe they do....

If that is the case, or even if it's not, let us thank them.  Let us thank them in the purest Clark Kentiest way we know how, with our firmest handshakes, our handsomest smiles and our uncreepiest caresses.  

Thank you, you [upstanding people].  Thank you. :)  Merry Day-After-Christmas to all, and to all a good life!

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

I Need to Blog About Something?

Yes, I think I need to blog about something.  Perhaps even some thang or, at the very least, Sum 41.  Remember them?  

Well, you probably would if I'd ever blogged about them, you three or four [clearly real people from Russia] who "follow" this blog.  

To make a long story short, Sum 41 was a band.  What I mean to say is, Sum 41 still is a band.  I think.  Not that I'm an authority.

Whatever their status, this blog post was written in memory of one or sum or all 41 of them.

Sunday, June 30, 2013

"Byzantium" Is My Newest Last Hope

What I mean is...every other movie that I was really looking forward to this year has let me down.  I doubt this one will disappoint:

Pretty sweet-looking, eh? 

Friday, June 21, 2013

Why I Mostly Hate "Man of Steel"

It hurts me to say this, as I love Superman so much (mainly because of Donner's first Christopher Reeve gem), but I mostly hate Man of Steel.  Here are some reasons.  My opinion, okay?  Don't freak.

1.) The performances are too sentimental.  That said, I think Kevin Costner is just about the best thing in this movie (or the least-affected performance anyway, though I wish he'd been written a bit more "chipper").  Which brings me to...

2.) There isn't much humor.  It doesn't have to be Dumb and Dumber, but jeez.  When they do use a joke, it seems wrong or forced or out of place.  Goyer's probably gotta take most of the blame for this one.

3.) The fight scenes could be more inventive.  How many times do we need to see a super-strong dude/dudette knock another super-strong dude/dudette through a building?  We know it's not gonna hurt 'em.  I worried more about the buildings! and the workers who'd have to rebuild them.  Also, we already have a similar too-long final battle in the third Matrix movie; we don't need another one. 

4.) Lois isn't much fun.  For someone so quick to deride dick-measuring, she seems pretty eager to hold a ruler alongside her dick.

5.) The "emotional" yells of Clark Kent/Superman are just...ugh.  The yell he lets loose after he kills Zod is especially stupid; I expected people to laugh when I saw/heard it.  Why can't he just go quiet and look down at his hands or something, as if thinking, What have I done?  Wouldn't that be better?  When Patrick Wilson cries out after Rorschach gets killed, in Watchmen, that works, but the yells just don't work here.  Watch the perfect Christopher Reeve performance after Lois dies in Superman: The Movie.  That's a yell; that yell has agony and sorrow and rage in it.  I feel that yell in my throat and my transverse colon.  I feel that yell so deep that my children feel it, and they haven't even been born yet (and I'm not sure I even want children!).

6.) The characters are filmed too close-up.  One time I caught myself counting the pores on Christopher Meloni's nose, and I realized: This probably isn't the director's intention.  And Superman looks kind of constipated when he's flying.  Pull back a bit, dammit! 

7.) Is it just me, or is World Engine a dumb-sounding term?  

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Nice Aubrey de Grey Health-and-Longevity Talk

If you wanna live long, and live long in supreme health, then give this guy a listen, and check out his book, too.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

On the New "Man of Steel" Trailer

First of all, new Man of Steel trailer, thank you for making me even more excited about the film than I was when the first teaser came out.  Although some of your V.O. stuff sounds too melodramatic, and I don't love your music like I loved "Freedom Fighters" in that 3rd Star Trek trailer, you've given me the idea that the movie is probably going to be both an inventive, worthwhile reboot and an epic SFX extravaganza with a giant, pondering heart.  (It might even make me forget Superman Returns!)  

Perhaps most noteworthy of all, new Man of Steel trailer, you showed a more "human" Kal-El by letting him have a beard and a hairy chest, which seems kind of monumental in this over-waxed day and age.  Yes, he has a beard and a hairy chest in the movie, but you, new Man of Steel trailer, could've just left that out, fearing what some hairophobes would think.  But you didn't.  You didn't, by god.  And that's just swell.  I mean, he's SuperMAN not Superlady, right?  Right.  

I don't even need to know how he's gonna shave his face.  Seriously, it doesn't matter.  What matters is that he's a man; and if he is indeed a "super" man, then he can probably figure out some goddamn secret way to shave.  And you know what? -- he probably doesn't need to explain it to anybody.    

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Two Poems in Unshod Quills

I have two poems in Issue 7 of Unshod Quills, which is a pretty nice place to be.  

Check under Jason M. Vaughn for the poems Ode to Crohn's and Needle.  Oh, and read the other writers' wonderful stuff too.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Space Hospital, and Hemorrhoids

Space hemorrhoids aren't gonna cure themselves, people, so instead of buying just another burrito or something, please give a little to Space Hospital.  This is no joke -- those hemorrhoids are out there; they're big and red and they're mutating.  Only with your help can they be stopped.