Thursday, December 1, 2011

Movie Idea

A young man shops in a supermarket.  He picks up Clorox, cottage cheese, a head of lettuce, and hot dogs, and there's a lot of suspense building already, because what's he going to make with that?  

An old man sits laughing on the floor in one corner of the supermarket.  He has wet himself, but that's not why he's laughing.  CUT TO: A mountaintop in Tibet, where another old man is laughing.  He has wet himself too.  (See?  We're all in this together!)  

INSERT a car chase through the streets of Turin, Italy.  It's going on inside a boy's head.  This boy is really our man at age six.  He's in a cart being pushed around in the same supermarket, but back in the seventies (NOTE: Use the CU footage from 12 Monkeys that shows the boy's eyes). 

As our man makes his way to the checkout line, a beautiful young woman with EYE CANDY stenciled across her shirt stops to pick up Clorox, cottage cheese, a head of lettuce, dog buns.

INSERT another car chase, but with Hot Wheels, to illustrate how small and insignificant we are.  Follow this chase with a montage of pretty Hubble photos of the universe (NOTE: Have Terrence Malick write a V.O. for this, to be performed by Morgan Freeman).

Now our man's checkout girl needs a price-check on the hot dogs.  Our man offers to run back and see for her...

...just as the beautiful young woman realizes she got hot dog buns but no hot dogs.  

Throw in a few minutes of subplot about a robot that assembles Hot Wheels cars.  Show, very simply, through a quick series of flashbacks inside of flashbacks inside of flashbacks, that this robot used to be a human man, and that he/it is the beautiful young woman's father!

The beautiful young woman gets to the hot dogs before our man gets there.  There aren't any left.  CUT TO: The old man laughing in the supermarket (he's pretending the hot dog in his mouth is a cigar).  Seeing no hot dogs, the beautiful young woman hurries away just as our man gets there to check the price (somehow make all of this less annoying than what happens in Serendipity). 

Out in the parking lot, our man and the beautiful young woman, putting their grocery bags into their cars, finally see each other and smile.

Then the Hot Wheels assembly robot rolls up out of nowhere and shoots our man in the back with a laser-sighted pistol.  It immediately becomes clear that our man is not a man at all, but a cyborg.  (NOTE: Show some exposed wiring and sparks.) 

The beautiful young woman runs up and says, "Dad, what did you do?!  I was going to marry him!"

Her robot father says, "You already did."  Duh, duh, duhhhh.

The rest of the film will be about the hot-dog industry.

(NOTE: Show the entire movie in the trailer for the movie.)


Space Hospital said...

I'm green-lighting this immediately.

Jason said...

Well, I don't see how anyone couldn't.