Tuesday, August 26, 2014

The Water of Life


Hey, people of the world (or maybe just the internet), take a look at this piece I wrote for Germ Magazine about the drought in California and how a crazy governor wants people to limit their water consumption even as he thinks it's just swell to waste millions of gallons of water on freaking fracking.  

Oh, I make a lot of Dune references, too. 







Friday, August 22, 2014

Shampoo May Soon Die A Good Death



Check out my article The Fate of Shampoo to see how.  Selena Gomez is in it.


Thursday, March 13, 2014

Escape from Dinosaur Planet, Part 2


Come escape with us, won't you?

Seriously, don't be a heel and not escape with us.








Monday, January 20, 2014

Science Should Always Trump Trump


A little while ago, Donald Trump tweeted: “This very expensive GLOBAL WARMING bull**** has got to stop. Our planet is freezing, record low temps, and our GW scientists are stuck in ice” 

And today I saw a write-up about how:

The European probe Rosetta woke up


I thought, Hey, if a space probe can wake up, why not you?  Great segue, right?  

Well, when I say 'you,' I'm not talking about Trump; I'm talking about all the people, famous or un-famous or infamous, who think Mr. Trump is right. 

As you may have heard, 97% of climate scientists -- 'scientists' being the sort of people who can make amazing feats (like those in the above-linked article) happen -- agree that global-warming trends over the past century are largely due to human activities, and most of the leading scientific organizations worldwide have issued public statements endorsing this position.  

So, are you honestly willing to side with this orange guy...



...or these smiley anti-science Fox folks when they argue that "global" warming can't be a thing because the weather's been really cold in parts of The United States this winter?

Are you seriously willing to side with them when, if they're wrong, siding with them could mean terrible, terrible things for this planet -- like, really not-good stuff involving high water, worse storms and more dead things that used to be living things?

These [personalities] are certainly good at being on TV and saying words.  One of them is also better than average at maintaining a physics-defying coif that belongs in the government's Unexplained Files.  But are they truly experts in any field apart from those of Moneymaking, Obamacare-Slamming and General Douchebaggery?  

Let's put it another way:

If 97% of dermatologists reported that a certain pain pill causes rampant genital warts, but Prince Orange and his pals were all, "What?! -- that pill actually cures genital warts, and it also creates jobs and makes lots of money for Shell, BP and ExxonMobil, which are totally great companies that aren't at all evil and just got into pain-pill manufacturing so they could help the world!" would you stick with the dermatologists, or with Marmalade and the F clan?

Regardless of your beliefs on global warming or climate change (whichever phrase you've been deriding lately), can we all at least agree that continuing a relationship with oil and coal and gas is probably not the best way to make our planet a cleaner planet -- 'cleaner,' as in not covered in black goo?  

Perhaps Elon Musk best summed everything up, in a nice interview with Alison van Diggelen, when he said, "What’s the percentage chance that this could be catastrophic for some meaningful percentage of Earth’s population?  Is it greater than 1%?  Is it even 1%?  If it is even 1%, why are we running this experiment?  ...It's the world's dumbest experiment."

But what does he know?  He hasn't done anything of note in recent years.  He's all talk, that guy.  

SeƱor SunnyD and Friends, on the other hand -- they're the authorities on all things even remotely science-y.  So no matter what they tell us, we should take it as the absolute truth, especially if lives depend on it, because they said it and that's all we need to know.  Right?

Yep.  Good call.


Thursday, January 16, 2014

Escape from Dinosaur Planet






"Holy crap!"  Space Hospital, series 3, has begun.  With dinosaurs!  

Stay tuned for more episodes, and not just because I wrote one about a humble celebrity liposuction guru.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

No More Christmas, but at Least There's This




On this day after Christmas, the eggnog down to its foamy dregs, the scant snow beginning to drip and to drip and to drip, drip, drip, let us thank the glorious purportedly human specimens who've been paid off to lie about climate change (and not just to lie, mind you, but to form a movement of anti-science numbskullery, the likes of which, it turns out, we've seen before and will surely see again).  

Socking these folks in their stupid stinking dirty smiles would perhaps have the wrong effect, I've heard (though maybe later we should try that, just for kicks?).  But if we thank them -- oh, if we thank them, and perhaps embrace them with all the love we've got left in our post-holiday hearts, just before the climate shit really hits the proverbial fan...well, maybe they'll feel bad for their part in the carnage.  And then, as the coasts are sinking, the trees and grasses burning, the mutant children fleeing the giant spiders, the zebras attacking us as blood rains from the skies and polar bears adopt vegetarianism and all that, at least we'll have the many sorries of these wankholes to comfort us, right?  

Right, and somehow, by God, that will be enough.  With just that the planet will begin to heal itself, and Lois in her car will be hauled up out of the ground and she'll be alive without Superman even having to fly around the Earth!    

Okay, fine, it is kind of hilarious to think that doorknob-heads like this might have actual feelings, or even just non-reptile skin and normal eyes, as opposed to scales and crazy red robot orbs that shoot lasers.  But maybe they do.  Maybe they do....

If that is the case, or even if it's not, let us thank them.  Let us thank them in the purest Clark Kentiest way we know how, with our firmest handshakes, our handsomest smiles and our uncreepiest caresses.  

Thank you, you [upstanding people].  Thank you. :)  Merry Day-After-Christmas to all, and to all a good life!