For the Sake of Argument

The Southeast Review's Writing Regimen provided this as one of their daily writing prompts:

Ron Carlson, the award-winning writer and teacher who currently directs the Creative Writing Program at UCI--Irvine, calls the props and items in a story, essay or narrative poem "inventory." When students in his classrooms complain of writer's block, he suggests frontloading the story with inventory and then carrying those items through the story to help reveal character and generate or resolve conflict. Today, write a story, essay, or poem that incorporates all of the following inventory items, and surprise yourself with the connections that result: hypocrite, cookie jar, telephone, hurricane.

The following is what I came up with while trying to be serious:

For the Sake of Argument

HYPOCRITE:  Look, if I'm gonna talk about something, I'm gonna be specific.

COOKIE JAR:  Let's discuss how I'm nothing without cookies in me.

TELEPHONE:  At least you're not shrinking.

HURRICANE:  Or destructive by nature.

COOKIE JAR:  But people always feel around inside me, even when there's nothing in me.  And when they don't feel around inside me, I feel neglected.  I'm like, Hello!

TELEPHONE:  'Hello'?  Really, Cookie Jar -- you're mocking me now?

COOKIE JAR:  You're the one with the tone.  :p

HURRICANE:  I'm always on the news, but people rarely talk about how nice I can be...in my eye.

TELEPHONE:  Too easy, Cookie Jar.  Next you'll "push my buttons," I suppose.

HURRICANE:  Nobody even heard what I just said.  I can tear the roof off your house but still be ignored.

HYPOCRITE:  'Ignored'?  Listen, Eeyore, I haven't made a peep since the beginning, and nobody's even asked me how I am this morning.

COOKIE JAR:  Hey, let's all be sarcastic and hip.  :))

HURRICANE:  Hip's not in today.

COOKIE JAR:  Why not?

HURRICANE:  He didn't have a leg to stand on.

HYPOCRITE:  Oh, Jesus.

JESUS:  Yes?

HYPOCRITE:  Jesus! -- where'd you come from?

JESUS:  It's hard to explain, but basically I'm everywhere.  At least that's what they tell me.

THEY:  We never said that.  We don't say any of the things they say we say.  Wait--

COOKIE JAR:  I'm shaped like a cat and I'm fine with it.  See, guys?  Sarcasm.  :(

HYPOCRITE:  We're kind of off-topic now, don't you think?  And yet we keep going and going and going and going.  Not that what we're doing now isn't just "wonderful."

COOKIE JAR:  Yes! -- that's exactly what I was going for, Hypocrite.  LOL.

THEY:  You didn't actually laugh, you know.  You do know that, don't you.

HIP:  Sup, guys.

TELEPHONE:  Whoa, what are those?

HIP:  They're legs.  Duh.  Without them I wouldn't have a -- well, I wouldn't be here.  In all my glory or whatever.

HURRICANE:  I just hurt.

JESUS:  I can fix that, but first you have to ask me into your heart...and sign this waiver.

COOKIE JAR:  Sometimes I feel empty inside.  LOL.

TELEPHONE:  People use me.

HIP:  Man, it's dead up in here.

SKELETON:  Man, that's my line...

MAN:  You guys hear that?  Those two weren't even addressing me.  I feel you, They.

THEY:  Yeah, they blame us for everything.  I mean -- dammit!

HIP:  All right, so I'm pretty much outie 5,000 now.  Giddyup, Legs.

LEGS:  Sure, okay.  Because we live to serve.  Love, we mean.  We "love" to serve.

COOKIE JAR:  Yay!:) !

HYPOCRITE:  Oh, face it, you all just wanna have the last word.