Friday, June 21, 2013

Why I Mostly Hate "Man of Steel"

It hurts me to say this, as I love Superman so much (mainly because of Donner's first Christopher Reeve gem), but I mostly hate Man of Steel.  Here are some reasons.  My opinion, okay?  Don't freak.

1.) The performances are too sentimental.  That said, I think Kevin Costner is just about the best thing in this movie (or the least-affected performance anyway, though I wish he'd been written a bit more "chipper").  Which brings me to...

2.) There isn't much humor.  It doesn't have to be Dumb and Dumber, but jeez.  When they do use a joke, it seems wrong or forced or out of place.  Goyer's probably gotta take most of the blame for this one.

3.) The fight scenes could be more inventive.  How many times do we need to see a super-strong dude/dudette knock another super-strong dude/dudette through a building?  We know it's not gonna hurt 'em.  I worried more about the buildings! and the workers who'd have to rebuild them.  Also, we already have a similar too-long final battle in the third Matrix movie; we don't need another one. 

4.) Lois isn't much fun.  For someone so quick to deride dick-measuring, she seems pretty eager to hold a ruler alongside her dick.

5.) The "emotional" yells of Clark Kent/Superman are just...ugh.  The yell he lets loose after he kills Zod is especially stupid; I expected people to laugh when I saw/heard it.  Why can't he just go quiet and look down at his hands or something, as if thinking, What have I done?  Wouldn't that be better?  When Patrick Wilson cries out after Rorschach gets killed, in Watchmen, that works, but the yells just don't work here.  Watch the perfect Christopher Reeve performance after Lois dies in Superman: The Movie.  That's a yell; that yell has agony and sorrow and rage in it.  I feel that yell in my throat and my transverse colon.  I feel that yell so deep that my children feel it, and they haven't even been born yet (and I'm not sure I even want children!).

6.) The characters are filmed too close-up.  One time I caught myself counting the pores on Christopher Meloni's nose, and I realized: This probably isn't the director's intention.  And Superman looks kind of constipated when he's flying.  Pull back a bit, dammit! 

7.) Is it just me, or is World Engine a dumb-sounding term?  

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